At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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