Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
