It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
