Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
