Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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