Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
