A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
im holly from the hills drunk
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
