Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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