i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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