So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
