I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize