I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
