Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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