So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
