Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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