Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
