She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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