Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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