I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
