Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
