why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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