At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it hurts more in the daytime
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My vagina is officially offended.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
