I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
