You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
