I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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