So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
