do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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