I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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