Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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