nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
