Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
