90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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