Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm like, not good at living.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
