Only a mothe r could love this liver
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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