Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
