Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
