I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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