this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
