Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
