My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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