I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
