so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
