So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Randomize
