That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
