oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
