the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
