So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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