You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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