everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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