I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
