My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
