I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
