looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
