Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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