is your mom at the bar?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
